By: Matthew Kaiser
Movie Matt-ers is the column you need, but don’t know you want. The great and powerful Matthew will answer any and all of your movie related questions. Just be careful what you ask, he doesn’t always play nice with others. Email him at email@example.com.
Movie Matt-ers: More Pirates and The Same Old Story
Do you believe that Pirates of the Caribbean has taken it too far with the many sequels it has come out with and the vibe and themes they have decided to display in each of their very different movies? – Meg
I don’t think I’m alone in this, but I hope they keep making Pirates of the Caribbean films. The only one of the films I didn’t care for was At World’s End. It had too many plotlines that they tried to tie up neatly, but that ended up silly. With that said, I love pirates, the Jack Sparrow character—as well as Johnny Depp’s portrayal of him—and the swashbuckling adventure.
Let’s be honest, pirates kick butt, especially ninja butt. Yeah, I’m talking to all of you “ninjas are better than pirates” people. I have only one thing to say to the ninja freaks, “Go walk the plank, wussies.”
Before I get a ninja star to the head, let’s move on to some things I’d like to see in upcoming Pirates sequels. At some point, I want to catch up with Elizabeth Swan and William Turner. It would be interesting to see what new adventures they get into. What would be great is if they included more legendary pirate captains. They could use Bluebeard, William Kidd, Sir Henry Morgan (I can totally see a Captain Morgan’s rum tie in), Sir Francis Drake, and Cheng I Sao. The stories around those mighty captains would blow the roof off ticket sales. My final request is to see more of Keith Richards playing Captain Jack’s dad. That man embraces all things pirate. Especially during his great history of overindulgence in…well…everything.
I may eventually get tired of the Pirates series. If they continue making witty, fun, treacherous adventures at sea, I’m sure it’ll take awhile. I’m still a sucker for a good (or bad) Star Wars film, and that franchise is nearly forty years old. So yeah, it could be a long time before this series loses me as a fan.
Why can’t Hollywood make original movies anymore? – Chris from Bakersfield, PA
Because all original ideas are dead and Hollywood has scraped the bottom of the barrel dry.
For instance, you have the typical hero’s journey, where the hero goes on a quest, fights the bad guys, ends up getting the girl. Then there’s the slasher horror films, where the party animals are in the woods only to run into the lone maniac serial killer…yada yada. You know the ones I’m talking about. All the same old crap. Just change the character names and a few details and blammo, you have yourself another typical movie.
But this can’t be the end…can it? Will they keep subjecting us to the same old and tired ideas?
No. I can’t believe that fresh ideas are done. Even if the well is running a bit dry, I’m still entertained by homicidal killers who stalk nubile, big breasted victims. I still enjoy high testosterone action films with impossible stunts and gratuitous violence. I even (once in a very great while) get a kick out of the female centric, implausibly happy ending of a rom com.
Yes, as you said, most stories in Hollywood are not original. My advice would be to look at it a different way. It may be the same old idea, but it’s how the writer spins it that keeps the story interesting. A proper wordsmith can bring magic to the screen. Try to keep your mind open and stay strong, my fellow movie fan. There are still new ideas out there, they just need someone to find them.
Matthew Kaiser is a (self-described) highly opinionated movie geek who lives in Clearwater, Florida with his wife and cat.